Your world starts and ends with you
I met a friend for coffee earlier today. Let’s call him Mike. I noted that Mike was drawn and somewhat anxious in his demeanor as we sat down. He proceeded to relate how stressed he was in his business. Revenue was down and the general morale in the work environment was compromised. Probably as a result, productivity had also been negatively affected.
At this point the waitress brought our coffees. It struck me that Mike never acknowledged nor thanked the waitress. But things were to get worse. After a few sips of his coffee, Mike’s face contorted and thunder clouds gathered above him. ‘I’m not accepting this shit for coffee’, he growled! And with that he commanded the waitress back to the table and demanded that she ‘take this crap away and bring me real coffee’!
Now I’m familiar with other people in a similar line of business who are ticking over quite happily in spite of tougher economic times. And I couldn’t help but conclude that Mike with his malignant mind state must surely have compromised his own success. This is probably the way that Mike behaves at work and how he relates to his staff. And it probably gets a whole lot worse when things don’t go his way. I would guess that Mike doesn’t even know the names of his employees let alone their personal life situations. I would imagine that Mike also carries this demeanor over into the marketing of his business which is hardly an attractive lure for potential clients.
I contrasted this with one of my patients who owns a medium sized business, employing about fifty people. Let’s call him John. John takes a personal interest in all the trials and tribulations of his staff. When individuals are in financial difficulty he helps them out. Once a month he sponsors a barbecue at the work premises for all the staff. He derives great personal gratification from mentoring new employees and in fact makes a point of employing individuals from disadvantaged backgrounds. And when there was a general strike recently in this particular industry, John’s workers volunteered out of their own choice to work their shifts at night. The result was that all targets were met. John’s business is thriving and has expanded into a lucrative export market.
Interestingly, John has never been coached in the work place. Merely his genuine interest in the well being of his employees has created a win-win situation. Sensitivity has translated into mutual trust with resulting success for all.
Mike on the other hand has lost his human connection. This is compromising the viability of his business and contagion will undoubtedly spread beyond, perhaps into his personal environment. Mike will need coaching just to re-engage with human decency and sensitivity. And only then, perhaps, will his business turn around.
Our respective worlds do indeed start and end with us. Did you acknowledge and thank your waitress today?
Copyright reserved - Ian Weinberg 2016
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Comments
Harvey Lloyd
7 years ago #12
Ian Weinberg
7 years ago #11
Ian Weinberg
7 years ago #10
It's a fascinating concept Lisa Gallagher That some subtle element in the life narrative can decide whether an individual remains a victim following a negative life experience or transcends to a more resourceful space. Probably a whole science in itself.
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #9
Interesting Ian Weinberg and sad. Nurture does play a large role. I've also found that certain people who manage others may have been treated badly over a period of years before they leave or are promoted to a leadership role. These same people do have choices and it's sad when they choose to treat others in the same manner they were treated. It's almost as if they are taking out every injustice they felt on the wrong people. My husband had many bad experiences until he went out on his own, he is very tolerant of his employees and that's because he understood the consequences of negative leadership. My husband respects and values them and very liberal with time off and much more.
Ian Weinberg
7 years ago #8
Thanks Lisa Gallagher Mike has in fact always been prone to this behavior. About 10 years ago when he was in a similar space, I did attempt to coach him. Tried to mirror the consequences of his attitude/actions to him. I also tried to move him into a non-judgmental space with some sensitivity to where others are at. But as you see, I hardly made a difference. There is a great deal of nurture baggage in Mike's history that's resulted in a low self-esteem with fear of failure. And yes, I agree with you. This is one of those cases that hasn't and probably won't benefit from coaching.
Ian Weinberg
7 years ago #7
THANKS Lisa Gallagher Mike has in fact always been prone to this behavior. About 10 years ago when he was in a similar space, I did attempt to coach him. Tried to mirror the consequences of his attitude/actions to him. I also tried to move him into a non-judgmental space with some sensitivity to where others are at. But as you see, I hardly made a difference. There is a great deal of nurture baggage in Mike's history that's resulted in a low self-esteem with fear of failure. And yes, I agree with you. This is one of those cases that hasn't and won't benefit from coaching.
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #6
Ian Weinberg
7 years ago #5
Thanks for that Brian. Just couldn't work it out for Randy.
Randy Keho
7 years ago #4
Thanks, Brian. It now makes perfect sense.
Ian Weinberg
7 years ago #3
Hi again Deb. I had decided to play down the neurochem in this post - just felt that I was overdosing the beBee readership in the chemistry. But since you've raised a very important issue, I'll return to some of the relevant neurophysiology to try and illustrate my take on this. In my corporate application model I define 3 Archetypes: Alpha - sensitive, empathic, big picture type, mentoring=oxytocin, low adrenaline, low inflamm index. Bravo - driven, fear of failure/not being adored, judgemental, self-interest orientated= high adrenaline, adequate dopamine, barely any oxytocin (Trumpish!)moderate inflamm. Charlie - low self-esteem, tends to hopeless-helpless, blames others=low dopamine, low serotonin, may have empathy for co-sufferers, sometimes schadenfreude (gets increased dopamine from other's suffering), tendency to high inflamm index. Low dopamine can lead to addiction behavior to push up dopamine levels. Bravo is amygdala-based=fear/anxiety/panic/rage. Causes raised adrenaline which suppresses pre-frontal reasoning; can also result in raised inflamm index and crash into hopeless-helpless. Also suppresses dopamine secretion from nucleus accumbens (compromises gratification). Very difficult to move Bravo into Alpha - can access Bravo when they or their spouse develop illness or else if you can demonstrate to Bravo that acknowledgement of staff leads to increased productivity - Sensitivity derived through appeasement of self-interest. Show kindness and adoration to Bravo- causes small burst of oxytocin and warm fuzzy and then very soon they use you for their own ends. Apologies for compressed answer - if interested see http://www.pninet.com/articles/Memory.pdf Second section should explain it better.
Ian Weinberg
7 years ago #2
Hi again Deb. I had decided to play down the neurochem in this post - just felt that I was overdosing the beBee readership in the chemistry. But since you've raised a very important issue, I'll return to some of the relevant neurophysiology to try and illustrate my take on this. In my corporate application model I define 3 Archetypes: Alpha - sensitive, empathic, big picture type, mentoring=oxytocin, low adrenaline, low inflamm index. Bravo - driven, fear of failure/not being adored, judgemental= high adrenaline, dopamine, barely any oxytocin (Trumpish!)moderate inflamm. Charlie - low self-esteem, tends to hopeless-helpless, blames others=low dopamine, low serotonin, may have empathy for co-sufferers, sometimes schadenfreude (gets increased dopamine from other's suffering), tendency to high inflamm index. Low dopamine can lead to addiction behavior to push up dopamine levels. Bravo is amygdala-based=fear/anxiety/panic/rage. Causes raised adrenaline which suppresses pre-frontal reasoning; can also result in raised inflamm index and crash into hopeless-helpless. Also suppresses dopamine secretion from nucleus accumbens (compromises gratification). Very difficult to move Bravo into Alpha - can access Bravo when they or their spouse develop illness or else if you can demonstrate to Bravo that acknowledgement of staff leads to increased productivity - Sensitivity derived through appeasement of self-interest. Show kindness and adoration to Bravo- causes small burst of oxytocin and warm fuzzy and then very soon they use you for their own ends. Apologies for compressed answer - if interested see http://www.pninet.com/articles/Memory.pdf Second section should explain it better.
Randy Keho
7 years ago #1