Claire L Cardwell

3 years ago · 9 min. reading time · visibility ~10 ·

chat Contact the author

thumb_up Relevant message Comment

Why the Wild Wild West is the Best Place to Live and how I can simply go off alone, and ...

Why the Wild Wild West is the Best Place to Live and how I can simply go off alone, and ...Who Are You During Day & Night?
Re 5 = Early ALCS ~ Mid Night:


Hermione 3

Adventures in Midlife Dating - The 'Flip Side'.

Basically what I want more than anything is to buy a really seriously big piece of land in the NW or N Province here.

I simply do not want to hear another 'human voice' ever for the rest of my life.

You think I am joking, I have been fantasying about that mountain and about how a weekly supply drop would me made and I would send down one of my medium sized spotted cats to go and get it for me.  For almost a decade now.

i have red hair.
what's yowr

rebel red

dds fernanes, com

I actually really and truly have decided it's not just a question of declaring :-

"I have had enough!" and storming off hoping that the rest of the world would run after you.
Drama Queens Quotes #1 CLC
No I have been planning this move for decades and I've just got to make an appointment with some King and he will give me a spot to escape on.  And no he totally respects my decision to not speak to anyone etc. etc.  and no of course he's got a really classy wife so he won't be visiting (and no one else) to bother me for 'extra friend ship benefits'

Plot twist. Waldo finds himself.
I nodded very pleased that he instantly understood my situation and was delighted to help me out as soon as possible.

The Queen winked at me, she walked up and said "come on we need to go to the bathroom".

I walked out with her, barely restraining my giggles.

So anyway after a ridiculously long chat in the most - well no one gets to see the Queen's Private Bathroom - No One, (not even the house cats..) that is except me!

We could not stop giggling and shaking with laughter.


You see a British Citizen was now under 'House Arrest' on Private Royal Land in South Africa and it's against the Law (every Law, including International Law, the UN etc. etc.)  Yes now I was in trouble.  I had now been officially kidnapped.  What would Kitty do next?  However the Queen was allowed to visit to check I was All Right and STILL ALIVE and would give Crimewatch, the World's MEDIA and NOSY PARKERS  - DAILY STATUS UPDATES.

I have basically considered how to make a break as smoothly and with as little fuss and 'drama' as possible.

rn (ENTS



I hate drama.  I hate the people who spend time making a list of what they can say to really fucking hurt you and delivering these carefully controlled missives every 15' when you are actually trying to work.  Then you have to pull an all nighter and yes you have been given the ultimate British Welcome Gift - FUCKING BRONCHITIS.  

And According to my Mother, my high temperature, fever and night sweats were BECAUSE I am menopausal and had nothing to do with the fact I was getting seriously ill and wondering if my inner dialogue was entirely healthy... ie (do I have to take ABs Again?  Not even PENICILLIN B works for me... I had to take 3 months off last year with IBS etc. because of the 'B STRAIN' FUCK that I said - I am going to sort myself out.  SA Style - with the right bloody medicine - ie stuff that is effective and doesn't contain vast amounts of sugar, with Saccharine on the side, Opiates and Codeine (and Ethanol for the alkies).

I was quite interested to see what the British did.  Fascinating.

Within the space of less than 2 hours, I had two bottles of big ass crazy opiate cough mixture (BENELLYN).

Two very cheap boxes of SPEED (Pseudo Ephedrine - AKA SPEED)

and drum roll please - a bucket load of Codeine...

My Mum still insisted on me taking speed and benellyn... I demured, she threw her toys out and had yet another 'tantrum' and I had to get my DAD to turn off the football/golf/rugby stuff and take me to the professional pharmacists at the doctors centre up the road.

Well Dad said, "I am staying in the car, you have exactly 5 minutes to get what you want" - yes the SPORT was on. SPORT IS ON 24/7.  My father is not particularly selective during 'down time', he happily watches Sheep Dog Trials, Guessing how many people would die horribly on Survivor, curling, etc etc. You have NO CHANCE of getting ANY ATTENTION AT ALL when the Scottish Highland Games is on - sword dancing/fighting and caber tossing.  etc. etc.  It's all SPORT as far as Bob Cardwell is concerned (WR Cardwell...).





I think that there is a time when you can look at the people in your life - your parents for example who I am discussing here -.(my Dad is OK - he's a totally rude wotsit - but when I need help - the RED DRAGON comes out to play and is looking for a LIGHT SNACK before LUNCH...)  Mum on the other hand has gone out of her way to really really upset me...

And think to yourself, actually I can't be bothered to deal with these people  I am going to let them  fester in their own shit, I really don't have to deal with that - someone else can get a spade, clean up the mess and call the CDC.
Claire L Cardwell
And then you realise that pretty much everyone you meet is festering in their own shit and they spend their days throwing it at you.

And Ladies and Gentlemen, it's not a question of where you live, who you know and hang out with.  It is a question of :-

After 4M decades of 'civilisation' why oh why do we not at least use the 'table manners' our Grandmothers taught us?
Claire L Cardwell
Yes why can't we hey - this has to be a REVOLUTIONARY IDEA...

Yes, that's correct, And the horse you rode in on.

Just be polite and respectful and DO NOT SKINNER ABOUT PEOPLE BEHIND THEIR BACKS.
Claire L Cardwell
And then I thought - not even the Dalai Lama or Desmond Tutu or Nelson Mandela could get people to try out the amazing new idea (JC came up with it first - it's in Matthew New Testament), (why should I even bother to speak to another person/human being ?  It is an epic waste of time...)

So for the last 2,000 years people have been asking other people to be 'nice and polite' to each other and hey it is not bloody working!


— n
So it didn't work for them, so why would I actually continue to labour under any sort of delusion that it would work for me?

Well I am now continuing this particular article approximately 5 hours later. I've been busy - doing a load of washing, listening to my parents losing the plot slightly because hey they hadn't had a drink since Sunday...  Shame eh - shame I don't drink at all during the week, never when I have to drive a car and sometimes not for weeks at a time. But in the last two nights I have drunk nearly 1/2 my father's very expensive Polish Cherry Vodka (only sold in Poland naturally) and am taking the rest home for Pat and Mandy to try.

So I really don't understand their dilemma....

Is there something seriously wrong with me?

Am I truly BAT SHIT CRAZY - I decided to ring my personal Psychiatrist, one of the most expensive in the world and ask him to tell me the truth after 11 years.

4 fork

Well my Mate Dr Z and my Mate the receptionist took a deep breath and said.

To be quite honest Claire, we actually have spent 11 years trying to think what's wrong with you.


Oh yeah said Dr Z, we find you highly amusing and dig your sense of humour - so we keep you around as 'fee entertainment' that someone else and an insurance company has to pay for!

I was secretly delighted.  I have am a fucking shit arse I am the Queen WHITE FUCKING SHARK OF THE WORLD - and it's almost lunch time!


I am very very hungry - SPOILER ALERT - Great White Sharks in the Ocean - showing off.  Scroll down the page and check out the South African Rugby Team - yes both teams - The Boys and The Girls!

As South Africans we really feel that as we have so many wild, uncontrollable creatures here, it is our solemn duty (Nelson Mandela made this the one RULE) to make sure that we educate Tourists about the dangers of ...



Where is my Ham Sandwich - I am hungry and I WANT MY LUNCH.  We do not believe in Chum

We are also making a series of Movies - the famous ones from a Shark's Perspective

Currently in Post Production - Hotel Transylvania - Under the Sea Edition - with Shark Vampires!

Surfing - South African Style...

And here are some ladies...

And some great entertainment - for the SA Edition of the International Rodeo Championships

Yup, sometimes our boys have to take a deep breath - and be told in no uncertain terms - you have to play rugby now, no 'quick trip' to the LADIES ONLY CHANGING ROOMS... NOT EVEN AT HALF TIME!!!

Yeah - my latest Time Magazine Cover - I really think that I photograph far better than DT - thoughts Phil Friedman

And they wear really great shirts...

Oh Yeah...



The View from the back - if you are into REVERSE LEADERSHIP - that ain't half bad either....


Well here is that VIDEO AGAIN FOR THE BOYS/MEN etc. among you  - AGAIN - with ACTION REPLAYS for the shocked and slightly slow witted.  Can you really handle an African Woman - because as the 'Rainbow' Nation - we have one of every colour available....

Nuff said!

1b9c81d2.jpgCall Claire - +27 11 025 4458 

I love Architecture. I think it's vital to talk about all aspects of Architecture - whether it be planning, construction, design or green building. I have written 3 E-Books & over 110 articles. Please feel free to let me know if you have any queries regarding architecture, planning & construction & I will assist you.

I am originally from the UK and moved to South Africa in 1999.  I started Blue Designs in 2004 after working as a driver for Avalon Construction on a luxury home in the Featherbrook Estate.  In my spare time I am an artist and writer.

I've started two new Hives - please feel free to join!

Other Articles I have written include :-

Building Green?  Here are some tips.

Common Mistakes People make when Designing a House

The Advantages of Sustainable Building

Considering Buying or Renovating a Heritage Home?  Pros and Cons

Renovation vs New Construction - which is Greener and Better for the Environment?

Bizarre Buildings Part Two - Space Age Fantasy

Weird and Wonderful Buildings Part Three - Three Buildings that make Music

Please follow me on :-

#Architecture  #Architect  #Clairecardwell  #Clairelcardwell  #Bluedesigns  #Bluedesignsarchitecturaldesigners  #Architecturaldesigner  #Design  #Sharks  #Sharksrugbyclubsouthafrica  

thumb_up Relevant message Comment

Claire L Cardwell

3 years ago #2

Gonna be offline until Monday to visit family in Liverpool... That UK medicine makes you feel very weird. Stopped taking and 'flu' almost better anyway! Will Edit this when I get back.

Claire L Cardwell

3 years ago #1

Gert Scholtz - am I really in trouble for winding up USA tourists?? AGAIN!

More articles from Claire L Cardwell

View blog
2 years ago · 2 min. reading time

Beautiful Buildings Around The World Part 3 - Drift House on Little Much Farm

I came across this amazing house recently and fell ...

2 years ago · 5 min. reading time

What You Should Expect From a Set of Plans You Submit to Council

Recently I've seen some awful plans that were subm ...

2 years ago · 4 min. reading time

Africa’s Lost Children — Part One — Exodus

October 1976 · Ash ate its way along a cigarette, ...