A Curious Case of Onelineritis - Gert Scholtz - South Africa

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago · 2 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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A Curious Case of Onelineritis

I am having a curious case of Onelineritis. Probably because my mind is fatigued, or the real fact that my attention span seems to be getting less by the day. My thoughts stray easily, my concentration lapses and I can’t imagine anything more strenuous than writing ...just ...one... line.

So I found out more about this peculiar condition and it turns out there are two kinds; Obtusio, which I have at the moment, and Eruditio, when it's properly done and applied with a clear mind - the skill of condensing meaning to a few words and in one line. Eruditio is the knack of giving common perception a turn and a tweak.

The dictionary defines a one liner as a very succinct joke or a succinct or meaningful and especially accurate statement. It is case in point of not counting your words but making your words count.

What makes a great one-liner? To me, something with an edge, a sardonic undertone, or a counter-intuitive phrasing. If it's inspirational, much rather words more original and grounded than “reach for the stars”, or “if you can dream it you can be it”. I like a quick twist in logic. Most of all, it must keep me thinking.

And while I still have have a severe case of Onelineritis Obtusio, let me not even try and venture into any short sentence wordsmithing, but rather give a few picks of others with Onelineritis Eruditio:

I am a man of unbending principles; the first is to be flexible at all times. – Everett Dickson

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. – Derek Bok

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. – Mark Twain

Knowing what you don’t know is more useful than being brilliant. – Charlie Munger

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one. – Steven Wright

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. - Mae West

Wall Street economists predicted nine out the last five crashes. – Paul Samuelson

You're never too old to learn something stupid. – Sukesh Phour

Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once. – Margaret Mitchell

We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly sixty minutes per hour. – Spider Robinson

The road to success is always under construction. - Lily Tomlin

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so. – Bertrand Russsell

There are many lies going about the world, and the worst is that half of them are true. – Winston Churchill

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense. – Tom Clancy

If you are like most people, then like most people, you don’t know you’re like most people. – Daniel Gilbert

Try as I may in my challenged condition, words and thoughts do not seem to flow. Until my peculiar affliction has blown over and finally clears, I will keep this one classic line in mind:

Nothing in life is as important as you think it is, while you are thinking about it. – Daniel Kahneman

#Curious Case #Onelineritis #Onelineritis Obtusio #Eruditio #Everett Dickson

Comments

Irene 🐝 Rodriesco

6 years ago #51

Enjoyable article. Number one in google looking for onelineritis

Helena Jansen van Vuuren

6 years ago #50

Ha Ha!

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #49

#52
Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador, I also say often, "This too shall pass... after all, that's what ExLax is for." :-)

Mark Morris

6 years ago #48

Hysterically funny one liners here. Does anybody know if there are similar one liners in other languages?

Louise Smith

6 years ago #47

I want to go to IKEA, hide in a wardrobe, wait for someone to open it and yell "WELCOME TO NARNIA".

Louise Smith

6 years ago #46

A lot of people cry when they cut onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

Louise Smith

6 years ago #45

#53
don't forget the kalashnik0vs QED

Randall Burns

6 years ago #44

HaHa! This actually happened today Gert Scholtz I'll give you the setup; The Setup; I was walking down the buffet line and noticed that maintenance was fixing it, replacing the silicone seam between the marble counter tops, I watched him for about a minute meticulously applying the silicone with his gun, and with out even thinking about it I opened my mouth and said this to him, "You know my "Ex" used to say that a little caulk never did anyone any good".

Louise Smith

6 years ago #43

#47
Brian McKenzie I think you are having an oblique joke with us !

Louise Smith

6 years ago #42

WIth a little help from my friends ....

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #41

#40
You Louise Smith. I too have always seen him as a mster of satire (at times). Indeed, I even envisioned for him the motto “Better irony than an iron maiden...”Cheers!

Louise Smith

6 years ago #40

#45
WOW Gert Scholtz Never heard that one but understand it completely as my Mum grew up in the Depression & then World War II so things were always mended & recycled. Sounds a bit like my 30 perhaps even 40yo Victor Lawn Mower - all the bakerlite fittings are breaking, need new wheel, had a new starter cord & catcher (from the dump took ages but finally found it) Get it serviced once a year. It goes !

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago #39

#42
Louise Smith On Australian proverbs, one more: "It’s like the axe that’s had two new blades and three new handles but otherwise is just as it was when grandfather bought it ." Thanks Louise.

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago #38

#42
Louise Smith Looking at Australian proverbs, here is one more Louise, in thanks for yours: "It’s like the axe that’s had two new blades and three new handles but otherwise is just as it was when grandfather bought it ."

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago #37

#42
Louise - looking at Australian proverbs, here is one to you, in thanks for your stream: "It’s like the axe that’s had two new blades and three new handles but otherwise is just as it was when grandfather bought it ."

Louise Smith

6 years ago #36

#36
Gert Scholtz Hope I am not a one liner hog but they keep percolating through over time ! "Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam!"

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago #35

#31
Yogesh Sukal Thanks for sharing Yogesh. Perhaps a scientific mind such as your will like this from Steven Wright: "If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?"

Louise Smith

6 years ago #34

#33
Brian McKenzie Funny you should say that because I think you are. Maybe it's your undiscovered natural talent that you don't recognize Besides none of mine are original I thought you might have a favourite one liner ? “…Here’s looking at you, kid.” but prob not “Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine…”

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago #33

#30
Phil Friedman Thanks for stopping by Phil, and let me add one more from Jerry Seinfeld: "I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything — which as you know, always leads to something — cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything."

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago #32

#35
Neil Smith Glad it lifted the clouds a bit on your side of the globe - and thanks for reading Neil.

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago #31

#35
Neil Smith Glad it lifted the clouds a bit - and thank for reading Neil.

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago #30

#32
Thanks Louise - for not just one but five additions to the gowing collection!

Neil Smith

6 years ago #29

Thanks Gert. This was a little sunbeam on a miserable, rainy Sunday morning.

Louise Smith

6 years ago #28

When the going gets tough the tough get going

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #27

Delightful post, Gert Scholtz. How about one translated from Chung King (ca 650 AD): Before writing, comes thinking -- which is why so many never become writers. Cheers!

Randall Burns

6 years ago #26

#9
HaHa!

Louise Smith

6 years ago #25

Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and have their shoes (anon)

Louise Smith

6 years ago #24

Out in the bush, the tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor (Australian observation)

Louise Smith

6 years ago #23

I bite my thumb at you Sir

Louise Smith

6 years ago #22

The world's your oyster BUT I don't like oysters

Louise Smith

6 years ago #21

Brian McKenzie Accept the challenge ?

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #20

#21
These days i would go with the latter. I have just rearranged the figments and decorated the shelves on which they sit. Merry Christmas and may the New Year bring you great "Onelineritis Eruditio" posts, comments and conversations.

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago #19

#19
Harvey Lloyd Thanks Harvey - and yes, a really good Zinger depends on timing and delivery. The distinction between the two types is a figment of my imagination, or is that my imagination in figments:)

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago #18

#19
Harvey Lloyd Thanks Harvey - and yes, a really good Zinger depends on timing and delivery. By the way, the distinction between the two types is a figment of my imagination, or is that my imagination in figments:)

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #17

One liners are the bane of some conversations. Although witty and may pack a lot of information, word choice and delivery techniques can change the flow of discussions. I refer to the Zinger as CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit refers. From a construction background these were normal and somewhat a contest of wills. So i have a vast database of these and they usually get me in trouble more than help. Great post. Didn't no one liners had official styles and types. As usual i have learned from your post.

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago #16

#15
Pascal Derrien Thanks Pascal but I am still on my way out of the Obtusio, so I leave you with a line from an expert, Steven Wright: "When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane." :)

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago #15

#11
CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit A most accurate description - a Zinger, which means according to the dictionary"A pointed witty remark or retort" And the word came into use around the time we were born:) Thanks for commenting and sharing Manjit.

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago #14

#11
CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit A most accurate description - a Zinger, which means according to the dictionary"A pointed witty remark or retort" And I see that the word came into use around the time we were born:)

Pascal Derrien

6 years ago #13

For somebody with such a terrible affliction you are doing damn good 😊 One again Gert Scholtz 😊

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago #12

#12
Ken Boddie Now that is a true Eruditio in action! LOL. Thanks Ken, and I hope you keep this all for your book one day.

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago #11

#10
Pamela \ud83d\udc1d Williams Then you might also like this one by Groucho Marx: "I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it." Thanks for your Twain-liner!

Ken Boddie

6 years ago #10

I must be getting old, Gert. I remember a time when I knew more than my phone. Even my wife thinks I'm getting old. But when I told her that I improve with age, just like a fine wine, she locked me in the cellar. But don't worry , I got my own back. She asked me why we never had a fairy tale romance, so I locked her in the tower. That's about all I can remember for now, Gert. My memory is getting so bad with age. I downloaded a memory improvement course the other day, but I keep forgetting to start it.

CityVP Manjit

6 years ago #9

I studied a long time ago as a night student at the Polytechnic of Central London and there used to be two students there who in their spare time would practice one-liners, which they called "zingers". That is when I gained appreciation just how challenging it is to come up with a really smart one-liner. For sure we can take the easy way and quote a smart quote but the art of one-liners is more than just a precise, it is the ability to pack a whole boat load of meaning in the shortest manner possible. I am more like Winston Churchill writing in his letters that he apologized for writing a longer letter because he did not have time to write a short one.

Ian Weinberg

6 years ago #8

#8
That's why I stayed st the cutting edge, otherwise I would have had to cook the books!

Randall Burns

6 years ago #7

Here's one for Ian Weinberg "I always wanted to be a doctor, but I didn't have enough patients"

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago #6

#3
Ian Weinberg Have a good holiday Ian and as Steven Wright said: "Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time."

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago #5

#4
Don Philpott\u2618\ufe0f Perhaps I can top your brevity: "The Don."

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago #4

#2
Randall Burns Thanks Randall: Stir-fry cooks come from all woks of life.

Ian Weinberg

6 years ago #3

I'm so chilled on holiday that I can't even meet you with a 'one liner' Gert Scholtz Thanks for entertaining yet again. Mooi bly.

Randall Burns

6 years ago #2

I never used to like a mustache, but it grew on me...

Randall Burns

6 years ago #1

I never used to a mustache, but it grew on me...

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